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1994-04-27
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695 lines
~MAIN HELP SCREEN
SETUP/EXIT HELP SCREEN
From this prompt you may elect to enter the SET-UP screen for Jokes
& Quotes or exit the program.
You can exit the program any time by pressing the ESC key.
The SET-UP screen allows you to configure screen colors, reset joke
categories, set screen blanker timeout, select/deselect joke categories
and much more. Feel free to configure Jokes & Quotes to suit your
individual taste.
~MAIN HELP SCREEN
~PRINTER NOT READY
PRINTER NOT READY
Your printer is either offline, out of paper, or not switched on. If
you are running from a LAN you may need to print to a network printer.
For instructions ask you LAN administrator.
If you have checked your printer and it is ready to print select
RETRY to print the currently displayed quote.
~PRINTER NOT READY
~RANDOM SELECT
RANDOMLY SELECT CATEGORY AT STARTUP
Checking this option will cause the program to randomly select a
category each time the JQ program is run.
It will select only from active categories and selects only once.
You may stop random selection anytime by pressing a key. After random
selection is displayed you may use the arrow keys to select other
categories.
~RANDOM SELECT
~SOUND ON/OFF
SOUND ON / OFF
Checking this option turns on the "Clicking" sound made each time a
key is pressed or the mouse is clicked.
~SOUND ON/OFF
~RESTART CATEGORY
RESTART CATEGORY WHEN EMPTY
Each category has a given number of jokes or quotes usually between
75 and 200. (Some more, some less.) By checking this option the
category will start redisplaying at record one when the last record has
been displayed.
If you leave this option unchecked the category will go inactive
when the last joke or quote is displayed. While inactive it will not
be randomly selected and will not show up on the main screen.
You can replace this category with a new one if you are running J&Q
on a stand-alone system or if running from a network you can tell your
LAN administrator that the joke file is empty.
~RESTART CATEGORY
~RUN DEMO MODE
JOKES & QUOTES DEMO MODE
Jokes & Quotes can run as a stand-alone DEMO. By checking this
option the program will randomly select categories and display quotes
until a key is pressed.
In DEMO mode the program will pause 2 seconds for each line
displayed plus 2 seconds. Ex: If a 3 line quote is displayed the
program will pause a total of 8 seconds. Two seconds for each line
plus two seconds. If the number of lines exceeds 13 (Meaning some of
the text is off the screen the program pauses for 28 seconds. Two
seconds for each displayed line plus two seconds.
~RUN DEMO MODE
~CHANGE COLOR
CHANGE COLOR CONFIGURATION
Each time you select this option the screen colors change. There
are eight different "color sets" to choose from. The color setting
is saved automatically each time the program is exited.
~CHANGE COLOR
~SCREEN BLANKER
SCREEN BLANKER OPTION
You may use this feature to have your monitor's screen go "blank"
after a specified number of minutes. Simply enter the number of
minutes to wait before blanking the screen. Pressing a key will
restore the screen.
~SCREEN BLANKER
~RESTART RESET
RESTART CATEGORIES AND RESET J&Q CONFIGURATIONS
This option will restore all categories to record one and reset the
J&Q configurations to their defaults. Be very careful using this
feature. If you reset the categories you will have to re-view any
jokes or quotes you may have already viewed.
~RESTART RESET
~RESET A RECORD
RESET A CATEGORY TO A SELECTED RECORD
This option allows you to reset a given category to any record.
This can be handy if you would like to see a previously displayed
record. It can also be handy when new categories are added. You can
use this option to reset the category to zero.
When you select this option the hi-lite bar will move to the
category side of the screen. When you select a category you will be
prompted to enter a record number for that category. The record
number displayed is the current record. The number you enter is the
one where display will begin.
If you go over the maximum number of records in the category it will
be reset to zero.
~RESET A RECORD
~PRINT QUOTE
PRINT CURRENTLY SELECTED QUOTE
This feature allows you to send the currently selected quote to a
printer. When you select this option you will be prompted to choose
the port your printer is connected to. For most computers this will be
LPT1.
If you have more than one printer or you are printing to a network
printer you may need to select a different port. If running from a
network ask your LAN administrator for assistance.
In addition to printing to a printer joke data can be sent to ASCII
text file. Select Print To File then enter a valid DOS filename. The
Drive letter and PATH are optional.
~PRINT QUOTE
~EXIT SETUP
EXIT SETUP
The option simply saves the current configuration and exits back to
the main view screen. From the main view screen you may press ESC to
exit the program.
~EXIT SETUP
~RIGHTSIDE
ENABLE/DISABLE CATEGORY DISPLAY
This option allows you to select or deselect the display of any
available category. For example if don't care to view a particular
category select this option. Now use the ARROW keys or mouse to hi-
lite the category name then press ENTER or click with the mouse.
When the √ is displayed the category can be viewed. When the √ is
not displayed the category cannot be viewed either manually or by
random selection.
~RIGHTSIDE
~THKABOUT
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT
This is a specially selected collection of jokes, quotes, and short
stories that bear special consideration. They offer insight and fodder
for contemplation. Wisdom is a prize and for anyone who seeks more this
collection will provide much to be pondered.
~THKABOUT
~OXYMORON
OXYMORON
Ancient Greek : Oxus = "sharp"
Moros = "dull"
Oxymoron...a self contradicting phrase.
For example: A sharp dullness or a foolish wise.
~OXYMORON
~ONELINE
ONE LINE WIT
This is a tremendous collection of "One Liners". Quotes, jokes,
quips, maxims, wisdom and more all in a single line.
~ONELINE
~TYPOS
TYPOS
This is a collection of typographical errors made by professionals
in their field. Most look like honest mistakes but some kind'a make
you wonder.
~TYPOS
~SELECTED
SELECTED SCRIPTURES
This is a collection of selected scripture verses taken from the
King James version of the Holy Bible. Over 300 scriptures, each
selected for the special message it bears.
~SELECTED
~PROVERBS
THE BOOK OF PROVERBS
The is the entire book of Proverbs from the King James version of
the Holy Bible. The Book of Proverbs encompasses a vast array of
human situations from love and marriage to drunks and thievery.
There are some real gems of wisdom here.
The first part of the Book of Proverbs is a dissertation on the
merit and nature of Wisdom. The individual proverbs begin occuring
around record #43.
~PROVERBS
~LAWYERS
LAWYERS
Everybody hates lawyers...until they need one. This collection of
jokes is all about lawyers and the humorus side of their profession.
Some of these jokes tend to be short stories so be prepared to
spend some time and make sure you use the PGDN and PGUP keys when the
scroll bar appears on the right side of the screen.
~LAWYERS
~LAWSHORT
LAWYERS II
This is a second collection of lawyer jokes all in the form of
questions and answers.
~LAWSHORT
~TOP10
TOP10
This is a collection of TOP 10 lists from the Late Night With David
Letterman Show.
These lists were selected from more than a thousand that were
downloaded from the Public Domain, Consumer Electronics Forum on
Compuserv.
~TOP10
~KIDTALK
KID TALK